Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Stay At Home Mom....

I feel like its only healthy to journal at times, and this is one of those times in my life where I want to remember what was going through my head. It's kinda long, so don't read if you don't have an hour, haha.

I am a new stay at home mom. I will be in this role until I graduate grad school in 2 years. I am still going to class and have a practicum placement that I do once a week. I knew this already, but its been reaffirmed: my calling is not to be at home all the time.

I almost say that with a heavy heart and a dash of guilt. What mother doesn't want to control the rearing of her children? What mother is not totally consumed with taking care of her family? What mother is not fulfilled by staying home?


This is where I feel that I need to justify myself, because I do. I don't want to leave the reader feeling like I don't care. "Why did she have all those kids if she doesn't even care about 'em?"

Firstly, I love my children with my whole being. There is nothing I wouldn't do for them and I would kill if you mess with them. I've never been so proud as I am of every thing my children do. They are my only absolutes in life. Nothing else has more value then the lives of my children. The truth of the matter is, I am a more effective mother when I work. I feel claustrophobic and "stuck" at home. My patience is capped out and I'm doing more yelling and disciplining then nurturing.

We all have our weaknesses and strengths, and I feel weak in the home.

Every body is different and everybody's desires in life, as long as they are healthy, are valid. I desire to do social work in the medical field. I do well communicating with patients and families and providing myself as a resource to ultimately be a gateway to a more content discharge back into the community. This is my calling, this is where my strengths are, and this is what fulfills me.

That was tough to write. I can write very passionately about my professional goals, but it is hard to write about being at home. Here the guilt creeps up again.......

Here is where I bring up strengths and weaknesses again. Actually, just strengths. I'm a big proponent of strengths perspective. This is also where I bring up the SAHM vs working mom debate. Who works harder? Who is more stressed? Whose job is more draining? Why are we even comparing and judging anyway...

Eh, I used to debate. Of course working moms have it harder. An 8+ hour day in a stressful job, come home and still have to do what SAHMs do aka cooking, cleaning, bathing, feeding, etc, etc. How dare they say they work harder when they're home all day?? Then I shifted my thinking. Naahhh, I had it easy. Getting away from my loud, screaming children and being around adults all day. Heck yeah! Sick? Drop the kids off at daycare and have the whole day to myself! Stay at home moms would be jealous! Yeah, they definitely have it harder!

Then...something happened. I realized that there was no debate. It's individual. Based on strengths. Some people are very efficient in the home, doing what needs to be done and raising their children with total ease, and they're happy doing it. Others can have a job they enjoy and get home and be every bit the parent anyone is.

I don't really know how to wrap up my thoughts. Ultimately I'm learning not to be guilty. I'm fortunate to have found a field that inspires and charges me. I have children that adore me and tell me they love me every chance I get. I'm doing something right. I also am learning that though staying home is not compatible with my long term future, I need to be grateful for the upcoming 2 years.

When else am I going to have the opportunity to see my children growing day by day? They'll be in school soon enough, and out of the house before I know it. I'm learning to be patient and enjoy the time I have RIGHT NOW. That's all that matters. Plus I know there are moms (and dads) that would give anything for the opportunity to be with their children at home and I would be doing them an injustice to sit here and whine.

Ugh, anyway, I feel like this is all over the place, but it helps to get this out and revisit my reflections when I'm emotionally frail. It'll happen. We all get drained and we all need a 'pick me up' some times. Or at least a slap in the face, 'quit whining' sort of thing.

Monday, July 16, 2012


Felix has been stretching his little neck for weeks now. He never cuddles, he just acts like a little giraffe. He reminds me so much of Oliver in this respect; very observant and ready to go, go, go.

George thought we'd try this seat out...even though it's meant for 2-3 month olds at least. Luckily Felix did great and spent a good chunk of time sitting up really well before getting tired. I could tell he was REALLY excited to be doing something as opposed to just laying there. :)

Here he is mid sneeze:

Here he is flashing that cute little smile because he was getting so much attention from sitting up.

Kisses from sissy. She can never resist her little brother.

And both older siblings doting on Felix.

1 Mom. 3 Kids. 1 Zoo.

I've been taking a ton of pictures since Felix was born, so these last few posts are picture heavy!

I hit a mommy milestone in which I took my 3.5 year old, my 20 month old, and my newborn to Woodland Park Zoo all by myself. Yikes. But I did it with no breakdowns, too. Talk about an ego boost. Haha. But I have to say that my confidence in my parenting has skyrocketed. Now that I'm a stay at home mom (for the most part), I've had to take all 3 kids with me to all sorts of places. During this last pregnancy the thought of managing all of them at once terrified me and even made me think my decision to have a 3rd child was wrong.

Thank goodness I proved myself wrong.

A little snack and plastic crocodile shaped juices.

Who needs a double stroller? I never use mine anyway!

There were monkeys in the tree howling...Scarlett was scared.

Besides the hippos, the orangutans are my favorite!

Oliver quite enjoyed the orangutans as well.

My goal is to get him here every year.

They seemed to really like the flamingos.

Drumming in the African village.

She's too cute sometimes.

The giraffes! Oliver's favorite.

The hippos!

She didn't know what to think of this guy.

Oliver drove his car all over the hippo.

One picture of Felix since he slept the whole time.

Always have to take a picture with the lion.

Sleeping Oliver

I haven't posted a silly Oliver sleeping picture in ages. Here's a funny one.

He fell asleep by the gate at the top of the stairs.

And here's a top view. Ha.

 and just for giggles, here's Scarlett.

and Felix. 

Cousins in Kennewick

We don't get to see each other too often, but its nice when we can get out there and see my cousin and her girls.

She has 3 and I have 3. Two can't walk yet, I can't wait to see what a zoo we'll have with all 6 running.

4th of July

We spent the 4th in Idaho Falls for the second year in a row. Here are some pictures.

Walking over to the parade.

They're so good when we walk. They stay close and hold on.

Group shot of our little spot on the parade route.

With Uncle Todd waiting for the parade to start.

He collected a lot of flags.

So did Scarlett.

Ha, I enjoy this picture for some reason.

I love this face.

Oliver was doing a great job swinging her.

And here they both are.

This is quickly becoming his pose of choice.

In case you didn't think Felix was big, here he is compared with a 3.5 month old. He was only 5 weeks.

Waiting for the fireworks to begin.

I learned that Oliver is scared of loud noises. The fire trucks and police cars during the parade and the fireworks terrified him. He sat in my lap the whole fireworks show and had me hold his ears. Scarlett on the other hand really enjoyed them. She even loved the Pop Its and threw them down every chance she got.

Felix 1 Month!

 Here's my TINY one month old....hahahahhahaha.

He weighs in at 12 lbs 2 oz. and measures 22.75 inches. That's 3.1 lbs gained since birth and 2.75 inches grown.

Nursing is obviously sustaining him just fine.

And here is Felix in his little tummy wrap. He's got a pretty bad umbilical hernia that we're trying to close up non surgically. Just a cotton ball pushed in where the hole is, plus the Coban wrap. However we were just at the MD office getting Felix checked for whooping cough since he's been exposed to someone who actively had it plus he was coughing.....anyway, the doc double checked the hernia and said it's look meek. He really doesn't want surgery but it hasn't gotten any smaller in the last 2.5 weeks. 

Scarlett had the same hernia and it didn't close up until about 9 months, but it was so small that there was no worry. Looks like this one is quite a bit larger. Cross your fingers we won't have to take the surgery route.

P.S. he weighed in at 13 lbs 5 ozs and 23 inches at the whooping cough appointment. Felix is definitely a big boy!

Idaho/Utah 2012

I know, I know. It's a billion picture post. This is a brief synopsis of our trip.

Slip n Slide

Uncle Todd

Watching movies.

Eating dutch babies.

Getting messy eating those dutch babies.

Lots of pool time, even in their clothes.

Pink cheeks from 95 degree heat.

Cousins in Utah.

Playing trucks.

Getting along.


Brotherly sleep overs.

Soothing Felix.

Brother bonding.

Ice cream sandwiches.

Scarlett classifying all babies together.

Learning to nurse.

Playing house.

Morning kisses.

Catching up on sleep.

Looking stylish.

Pointing out animals.

Relaxing at the zoo.

Being eaten by lions.

Playing daddy.


Lots of pelicans.

Crazy pelicans!!

After pool time relaxing.


Baby brother kisses.

Whew! Good trip. Lots of family. Great friends. Beautiful weather.